what up wit' me? what up wit' you?

Oh you guys. So much going on in my brain and my heart and the place between where emotions live, and also in the place above where divine things dance. When push comes to shove with the idea of attending a Christian church, I just ... can't. I can't. The likelihood of having to deal with immense annoyance of the type that I find hard to ignore just makes it not viable. I'm glad I've come to a stronger relationship with Christ, and I think that will continue to grow. I don't know that the Christian label will ever fit comfortably on these shoulders. It's just not my world.

Also, the last post I had about what my sense of the divine is, my feeling of what is there, and how I relate to it kind of led me in a meandering way back to Wicca, particularly, to the Aquarian Tabernacle Church and their educational program. I've been aware of ATC for years, and knew they were in Washington, but had moved so far away from traditional Wicca that I didn't think about it as an option.

My Pagan readers will understand what I mean when I say I think I'm seeking an initiatory experience. (Maybe others get it too, I dunno.) I've been down that road once before, and it yielded amazing growth. It's time to do it again, and I'm going to do it with the ATC.

Their program is hosted between SecondLife and Moodle, and let me tell you, it's been a great exercise in empathy for my students to have to try to figure out both platforms. I'm totally serious - one of the things I'm doing here is remembering what it's like to not know how to navigate a system. In terms of the details of the classes, well yes, there are plenty of items that are simply review. But I'm trying to do it with a beginners mind, as much as I can. And the community is different - both the virtual one, and the one I'm hoping to reach out to in Washington.

Another interesting and unexpected effect has been a review of all the work I've done. I have to do it for the program, even though I was trying like Hel to avoid it. I crammed a lot of stuff into the last 20 years! I may post it here for posterity when I'm done putting it together. Maybe I'll make it like a portfolio. Remembering those things somehow makes sparks within myself flare up. That feels like a good thing.

The only shadow at the moment is that I'm so overwhelmed with work and other commitments, I'm trying to figure out how to make it all work. I'm sorely missing my little office in the Bloomington house. And I lost all my computer files relating to my past work, including my BoS. I'm devastated about it, and trying not to feel that too deeply. It's a good reason to start over, no? So tonight I'm going to tighten up my work space and get it back in order to do ... Work. I need to organize what's required, get together a schedule and begin to get back on track. Juggling all the Things That Need To Be Done is getting more insane, not less. Not sure what that's about. Doing all the things, plus working, plus parenting, plus having a relationship and attempting a social life and also getting some self care in? HOW?

I don't know if anyone even reads this anymore, but it must seem very scattered and incoherent. I'll eventually get to a place where I'm writing things that mean something to people other than myself soon. Promise.